Why listen?

Why is listening important?

Often we talk about listening as if it was a necessary precursor to speaking. I must listen in order to speak better. If I don’t listen to them, they won’t listen to me. When I listen, it helps me to craft what I have to say more effectively for my audience. But what if listening itself were the goal? Why would we listen if we weren’t preparing to speak?

We’re not talking about merely hearing what is going on around us, listening to the sound of birds in the morning. We’re talking about active listening, asking questions, trying to learn more deeply what someone has to say. It is an interactive art that requires at least two people. When we listen well, we facilitate an exchange in one direction—from you, to me.

Seen that way, listening seems greedy—even selfish! I want all the information for me, I have nothing to say to you except to get you to talk to me more. And yet our culture encourages us to listen so little that in fact most people hunger for someone who listens more than they hunger for more information. We have too much information. The world is loud, and we are overwhelmed.

Listening changes both people involved. When someone actively listens to me, working to call forth everything that I’m experiencing, it changes me. We assume that listening is only a way to gather information, but listening also changes the person who is listened to. It builds a relationship that has nothing to do with information. Listening is a way of showing value for someone else’s experience.

In order to be effective storytellers, we have to listen. We have to listen in order to craft our stories well, but we also need to listen to our audience while we tell our stories. We need to show our audience how much we value them. We need to use our storytelling as an opportunity to build connection, not just relay information.

Otherwise, why tell stories at all?