Why listen?

Why is listening important?

Often we talk about listening as if it was a necessary precursor to speaking. I must listen in order to speak better. If I don’t listen to them, they won’t listen to me. When I listen, it helps me to craft what I have to say more effectively for my audience. But what if listening itself were the goal? Why would we listen if we weren’t preparing to speak?

We’re not talking about merely hearing what is going on around us, listening to the sound of birds in the morning. We’re talking about active listening, asking questions, trying to learn more deeply what someone has to say. It is an interactive art that requires at least two people. When we listen well, we facilitate an exchange in one direction—from you, to me.

Seen that way, listening seems greedy—even selfish! I want all the information for me, I have nothing to say to you except to get you to talk to me more. And yet our culture encourages us to listen so little that in fact most people hunger for someone who will just listen. We are oversaturated with information. The world is loud, and we are overwhelmed.

Listening changes both people involved. When someone actively listens to me, working to call forth everything that I’m experiencing, it changes me. We assume that listening is only a way to gather information, but listening also changes the person who is listened to. It builds a relationship that has nothing to do with information. Listening is a way of showing value for someone else’s experience.

This is also true while presenting to an audience. When I watch someone give a presentation, I can usually tell if that person is a good listener in a conversation. No how much flair for the dramatic you might bring to your presentation, you can’t bully an audience into paying attention. You have to be attentive to them in order for them to be attentive to you.

In order to be effective leaders, we have to be effective storytellers. But in order to be effective storytellers, we have to listen. We need to listen to our audience while we tell our stories. We need to show our audience how much we value them. We need to use our storytelling as an opportunity to build connection, not just relay information.

Otherwise, why tell stories at all?