November 8, Saturday.|
Just made out for the first time in the back seat of a car. Huhn's car. With Jane. One long kiss while Huhn was walking Stella to the door.
I won't complain. Things aren't as rosy as they could be, but I refuse to say anything about what she does. I ignore it.
I got my two pair of shoes and a new shirt Saturday so I'm fairly happy clothes-wise. I got a pair of cruddy jeans, but I'll live. And I don't especially like my dress shoes because I had to please dad and not get loafers, but lace shoes instead.
Well, here's hoping Jane doesn't hurt me too much right off tomorrow. I know what it will be like. Just a bunch of little things and I'll want to scream at her and take her someplace where no one else will be and she can spend her undivided attention on me, but I won't be able to, so I'll have to put on a front. If there was only some way I could let her know how GODDAM much she was hurting me without complaining. Maybe then she'd understand some. That's what I want more than anything, understanding. I know it sounds trivial and unimportant but it isn't.
I guess Eck walked her to her dad's car after the game Friday. That hurt bad. She said the other night on the phone that she would like to date other boys and she didn't see anything so great in talking to one boy - me - all noon hour. She wants some variety. That tore me up. I'm going to try and get Eck to ask her to the show and see if she goes. Just to see if she'd ask me first or just say yes. And how she'd tell me·or maybe she wouldn't. I wish one thing only. That she liked me as much as I like her.